a word to wise, if you’re at university and you’re having the best years of your life, try to freeze time and space.
never leave, never let it go.
they hand you your degree on the stage, throw it back. rip off your gown and all your clothes, do the lewidest thing you’re capable of and let them drag you away to campus jail.
plant your feet in the ground and scream and cry, like toddler in a Cafe Nero.
kick the dean. gut the vice-chancellor.
do what you must. it’s war, kid. get bloody.
otherwise you’ll be 22, drunk and alone, living with your parents, facing down the ghost of a seventeen year old you promised more to.
and what can you say, except that you can’t help that your friends have their own lives, that you can’t will a well-paying job, especially not with your degree, that just because you loved him didn’t mean you could be with him. there’s a funny thing called self-respect and apparently you need that.
if you could do it again, you would and you’d do it the exact same, not a thing changed (except that one halloween)
but you can’t. you’re here now. and that’s that.
but know, you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. it sucks but there’s nothing else. look back, look forward. do what you can and don’t despair too much. apply yourself to whatever will take you, there’s a program somewhere, you can find it, it’ll be the next place and there’ll be times there that you think the same as you do now. where you wish for the softness that home gave you. where think on your time here and say, i should’ve loved it better, because it was good to me, even when i was mean to it.
you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. live with that.
unless you can freeze time. in which case, go back and amber it.
never leave and never let it go.